These Are the Christmas Movies You Should Probably Watch
I write things both professionally and unprofessionally. This is one of the unprofessional ones.
My friend Jen invited me to write a guest post for her newsletter because I am an absolute nutball about all things Christmas—a real Buddy the Elf, but in an Ebenezer Scrooge package.
Here is a link to the post on her site—you should probably go read it there:
Here is the text of the post—but seriously, go read it on Jen’s site. It’ll be better that way. She has all the pictures baked in.
Hi, it’s me, and this is our friend Kim:
As you can see, she’s one of us.
My memory of early Kimship goes back several years, though Kim recently told me she came to a HoBBQ way back in the day — which kind of blows my mind because that was a lifetime ago, and I thought Kim was mainly from this lifetime. Regardless, she’s now one of our favorite Fire Night regulars (don’t tell the others).
Please enjoy her strong opinions on Christmas movies, and feel free to start a fight in the comments.
Until next time,
Jen
These Are the Christmas Movies You Should Probably Watch
“Oh, you think darkness is your ally. But you merely adopted the dark; I was born in it, molded by it. I didn't see the light until I was already a man; by then it was nothing to me but BLINDING!”
- Bane, The Dark Knight Rises, 2012
I was born on December 24, 1985, twenty minutes after my mother arrived at the hospital. When they took me home on Christmas day, our street was lined with luminarias, a neighborhood tradition that seemingly ushered me into the world.
(I don’t recall this, but I’ve heard the story many times.)
“You seem like you’re gonna be a Scrooge, but you’re actually his nephew Fred.”
- Two different friends in recent years, describing my Christmas vibes
Nearly 37 years have passed since that night, and I am largely indifferent to my birthday… but I friggin’ love Christmas. You think Christmas is your ally. But you merely adopted Christmas. I was born into it. Molded by it.
It is for this reason—by the relentless and sometimes kind of intense Christmas spirit vested in me—that I come to you with a list of Christmas movies that I have unreasonably strong opinions about and totally think you should watch.
They are all in no particular order because that’s friggin’ impossible.
It’s A Wonderful Life
I always kick Christmas movie season off with this classic film. One of the reasons I start with this film is its history—Frank Capra, the film’s director, was one of the five directors involved with documenting WWII and creating American propaganda films. He was deep in footage and films featuring the death and destruction of WWII, including the atrocities of the Holocaust. Immediately after that chapter of his life, he directed It’s a Wonderful Life: a film that communicates that no matter the trials, failures, and disappointments in life, your life has purpose.
A Christmas Carol
Which one, you ask? All of them. Read the book, too. The story in and of itself is amazing and absolutely still relevant in this day and age of billionaires and Twitter. (My Christmas wish this year is for every single billionaire on the face of this planet to be visited by the three ghosts of Christmas.) Of the “serious” versions, the 1951 version featuring Alistair Sim is probably my favorite. Fun fact: Jim Carey’s performance in the 2009 animated version is heavily influenced by the Alistair Sim performance—but I hate that this version was made for a 3D context. The 1999 version featuring Patrick Stewart is a little on the dark side, but it is a solid telling of the story. The Muppet Christmas Carol is probably my overall favorite version, and I watched Mickey’s A Christmas Carol on repeat as a child and still swear by it. (If you’re wondering why you inexplicably have the image of this fellow baked into your noggin, it comes from the Mickey version.) I would skip any/all creepy versions, including but not limited to the 2019 Guy Pearce version. Making Christmas creepy is a jerk move.
Ernest Saves Christmas
Look, I don’t even care what you think. I love this movie, knowhaddimean, Vern? I am a member of the Ernest P. Worrell generation and love some jaw-rolling “oooooOOOOOoooooohhhhs” and good campy fourth-wall breaking. This movie also probably has something to do with why I’m anti-creepy Christmas movies, but you’ll have to watch the movie to learn why.
A Christmas Story
This was my family’s go-to classic Christmas movie. We would watch it on Christmas eve, and my Nana would repeatedly tell us how Ralphie reminded her of my dad when he was little. I may be biased, but I think this one stands the test of time and intergenerational humor (though you might need to explain to the youth how we used to call “podcasts” “radio shows”). HBO just released a new version where Peter Billingsly, the same actor who played Ralphie in 1983, plays the father. I haven’t watched it yet and have low expectations, but I will watch it nonetheless because I’m a sucker for gross attempts to exploit my sense of nostalgia and warm fuzzies.
How the Grinch Stole Christmas
There are three versions of this movie, and two of them are worth watching: The 1966 animated feature and Jim Carey’s 2000 version. This is all you need to know—except for maybe that the bass clarinet on the theme song slaps, and I’m pretty sure Dr. Seuss was deeply influenced by A Christmas Carol. Both Scrooge and the Grinch’s little hearts grow three sizes.
The Santa Clause
For many geriatric millennials like me, we watch this movie because it is one of two quintessential Christmas movies of our childhood. For many geriatric millennial WOMEN, we watch this movie because Bernard the Elf was a much bigger part of our sexual awakening than any of us really care to admit publicly… and we don’t really understand it.
I only endorse the first film in the series. Disney+ is currently releasing a new The Santa Clauses series with Tim Allen reprising his role as Santa—and again, I haven’t watched it yet, and have low expectations, but will watch it nonetheless because I’m a sucker for gross attempts to exploit my sense of nostalgia and warm fuzzies.
Home Alone I & II, but definitely not anything after that
“You know my dad went to high school with Joe Pesci?” - My mother, every time we put a movie with Joe Pesci in it on our Heathkit GR300 Television Computer System.
Home Alone movies were not a yearly thing in my childhood home, and I’m fairly certain it was because my parents were worried about my older brother picking up some new ideas for younger sibling traps. Once I was out of the danger zone, however, I fell in love with the physical comedy, the heartwarming message that booby traps are an effective means of protecting private property, and how the neighbor you think is creepy is actually probably pretty chill.
Elf
This quintessential modern classic is, IMO, one of few Christmas movies released in the last 20 years that stands up to the charm of older classics. It also features endless callbacks to the Christmas cartoons many of us grew up with, as well as A Christmas Story’s Ralphie (Peter Billingsly) as Ming Ming, the managing elf at Santa’s workshop. I deeply identify with Buddy the Elf and his passion for all things Christmas and desire to hug feral raccoons.
The Nutcracker and the Four Realms
I have long since lamented that there is no real true-to-story cinematic telling of The Nutcracker and the Mouse King, the short story The Nutcracker Ballet is based on. This movie, however, is rooted in the original story and adds layers to the fantasy in a way that feels complimentary. The costumes and set design are fantastical and beautiful, and the movie features some of Tchaikovsky’s original music and ballet sequences. Also: If the entire Nutcracker Suite, as performed by the Denis de Coteau & San Francisco Ballet Orchestra, is not on your Christmas music playlist, you’re missing out on some of the finest Christmas music that human history has to offer.
The 1986 version of Babes in Toyland
Featuring a very young Keanu Reeves and Drew Barrymore, this is a relatively terrible remake of the 1961 Disney operetta, but also relentlessly hysterical in all of its mid-1980s glory. If you know me personally and have ever heard me yell, “I’ll kick the giggles out of your heart!” as a retort to an insult or dig, that line comes straight from this movie.
There you have it—probably the only Christmas movie list that includes both It’s A Wonderful Life and Babes in Toyland (1986) presented to you by someone who was born into Christmas. Molded by it.
Some honorable mentions: National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, Little Women (1994), Miracle on 34th Street (1947 version, NOT the 1994 version), Klaus, Jingle Jangle, Die Hard (it IS a Christmas movie), Pluto’s Christmas Tree (Disney Short), The Gift (Disney Short), Hook (TOTALLY a Christmas movie—I will fight.), and A Charlie Brown Christmas.
And I didn’t leave off White Christmas. I hate that movie, and I can’t explain it.
If you would like to fight with me about Christmas movies, I’ll be in the comments, or you can find me on Twitter (RIPish) and Instagram @kimerrikin.
